🌸 When Everything Feels Unbearable 💖

Published: Sun, 03/13/22

Hello !

I hope you are well and taking care of yourself. These are tough times for sensitive souls like ours who despair at the world's inability to live to the standards of humanity that we expect.

I will never, ever understand how the human race is unable to make the most of the gift of life and live a simple life in peace on our beautiful planet. I mean, I understand that some men want more power and money than average but I struggle to understand how they want it at the cost of innocent people's lives. I understand that some people have less compassion than others but I don't understand how you can deliberately kill children to get what you want. I understand that some people are monsters and find their way to leading countries but I don't understand why there aren't enough guardrails and people around them to stop their insane actions.

We can vote for people but once they're in power, we have little to no influence on what they do. And I know that we have to focus on what we can control and let go of what we can't control — it works well at the personal level — but in these circumstances, how can we let go?

I have pictures of children now dead seared in my mind and they'll pop up throughout the day and evening: the beautiful little girl, the dead toddler wrapped in a bloodied blanket, the teenage boy who looked so much like my sons. I can't help but cry again for them as I am writing this. It's an endless cycle of tears, anger and helplessness.

I can't bear to go on Twitter these days because people are still being vile to one another and I just want to shut all these liars and haters out of my life. It's just not funny anymore.

I can't even go on Instagram because seeing positive, fun or nice things feels like I am betraying the Ukrainian people.

Everything feels unbearable.

So what are we supposed to do?

More than ever I am keeping to my routines. I can't change what is happening but there isn't anything to gain from letting myself down. If anything, it is my duty to be the best person I can be and this is the only thing under my control. Yes, we can write to our elected officials, demonstrate or give money, but we can't stop the horror.

I can't undo the death of this teenage boy but I can clean the house, cook and be fully present with my boys. I can keep writing because that's what matters to me as a practice and as a way to communicate ideas. I can keep on reading books that make me a better person. I can go to church and pray with others. I can walk and marvel at camellias, roses, magnolias and blossoms.

We can take learn from the survivors of the most terrible events who couldn't do anything to stop the insanity, yet their ultimate act of defiance was to keep on living. We are not responsible for Putin's actions, we are not responsible for our government's inadequate response, we are not responsible for people's vile words and behaviour. We are responsible for our own words and actions, we are responsible for honouring the life we have been given.

When compassion doesn't seem enough, we can be grateful for what we have. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but we can appreciate this moment, deeply and wholeheartedly.

Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and a group of Nobel Peace Prize Laureates drafted the Manifesto 2000 for a Culture of Peace and Nonviolence organized by UNESCO. This is a manifesto that we can all commit to in our personal life. No matter what happens, we can do this at a micro-level. It's not a matter of doing it perfectly but of using these as guidelines for our life.

➛ Respect the life and dignity of each human being without discrimination or prejudice
➛ Practise active nonviolence, rejecting violence in all its forms: physical, sexual, psychological, economic, and social, in particular towards the most deprived and vulnerable, such as children and adolescents
➛ Share my time and material resources in a spirit of generosity, to put an end to exclusion, injustice, and political and economic oppression
➛ Defend freedom of expression and cultural diversity, always giving preference to dialogue and listening without engaging in fanaticism, defamation, and the rejection of others
➛ Promote consumer behaviour that is responsible and development practices that respect all forms of life and preserve the balance of nature on the planet
➛ Contribute to the development of my community, with the full participation of women and respect for democratic principles, in order to create together new forms of solidarity.

Above all, today, do something that matters to you! Don't let anyone or anything derail you from your important goals. Yes, we can take a few moments to cry and rage and recover, but we need to get back to who we are and what we are able to do. I feel blessed to be living in peace right now and grateful that my loved ones are safe. Sometimes I take it for granted, but not today.

I wrote about feeling overwhelmed over on Medium if that's of interest to you.

Emergency Toolkit in Case of Overwhelm

Too often we end our day with a bruised spirit and an overtired body. Few around us are sympathetic — everybody is tired, aren’t they? — and that sense of not being understood reinforces a sense of alienation. If you feel you are on a sinking ship, you have to react fast.

Of course, we have good days, weeks, months and years and maybe you are enjoying a time of felicity right now. Wonderful! Still, we have the odd day, week, month or year of overwhelming fatigue when our feet don’t have spring and we feel empty within despite a relentlessly racing mind. Life spares no one, not the mother at her happiest time, not the successful entrepreneur, not the charitable Samaritan, not the driven young graduate, no one.
As no one will escape dim or dark moments in life, it is vital that we create our own Emergency Toolkit. Bookmark this post so you can go back to it when overwhelm threatens and add a note with extra ideas specific to you. As we all are experiencing different circumstances, there isn’t a universal toolkit, but let me get you started.

Starter Emergency Toolkit

Stop!

Just stop! If you are feeling overwhelmed, you have to come back into your body ...

May you and I be safe, may you and I be happy, may you and I be healthy, may you and I be at peace.

Love,

Valerie

You can read any previous letter in the archive here .

I work with bright women like you who can picture the life they desire but can’t quite get there.
After working with me, you’ll feel empowered and reconnected with the best version of yourself – and it will all be easier than you think!

http://valeriemarsh.com

Website | Instagram | P interest | F acebook