When a public figure dies, we might have an emotional response that surprises us. It might bring up feelings of grief that aren’t a reflection of our feelings for that person. It might actually have more to do with ourselves than the person. 

If you have lost a loved one and are still feeling the loss in the depth of your heart and your soul, such an event will put salt onto your personal wound and you will be grieving that dear one — or one you are afraid to lose — more so than the public figure. If that is the case for you this weekend, I send much love. There is nothing else to do than to allow these feelings, find comfort for yourself in whatever way feels right, be thankful for the chance of having had that person into your life and find a way to celebrate them, perhaps by telling someone an anecdote about your loved one.

A public figure’s death can also trigger grief around vulnerable parts of ourselves.

When the singer George Michael died, I thought it was terrible because he was still young and talented. The idea of potential lost is one I always find hard to bear. When we learned he was alone that Christmas morning, it added another layer my empath self found difficult to deal with. Some personal fears hid behind the most obvious grief I experienced which was that for my young adult years, a time of absolute faith in a brilliant future we all believe we were going to have.  

I remember the death of Princess Diana, which affected many of us in a profound way. I think she was perceived as the most human, vulnerable element in the royal family but one who got rejected, and I wonder to what extent it resonated with us so much because of the vulnerable part of ourselves that we fear will always be rejected. Her death happened and there was no hope of that vulnerable part being reintegrated in some form of another — a deeply depressing thought. That vulnerable, maybe unacceptable part of ourselves seemed to lose its incarnation that night. How much did we grieve for her — and feel for her boys — and how much did we grieve for the vulnerable parts of ourselves?

To be curious about our response to a public death is interesting work. What do we grieve when a public figure dies?  What can we learn about what we value, what matters to us, what needs a place to be heard, what needs healing? It holds a lot of information about our deepest fears and hurts. These moments of national or international grief can be an opportunity to investigate and allow these unspoken feelings to be given a voice. It is a time for introspection with much self-compassion.

Go easy on yourself today.

Valerie 

http://valeriemarsh.com